I met TrojanViper through the power of Twitter (@TrojanViper), we were actually introduced by my favourite sex toy reviewer @josephine_kk who wrote a guest blog a few weeks ago. TrojanViper was lovely enough to accept my invitation of being a guest blogger. He is a paraplegic and I wanted to know his thoughts on sex and being disabled. This is what he wrote:
(Oh, and this is my first male blogger too!)
You know, I remember taking Sex Ed in Junior High. And as I look back now at my life and where I’ve gone, as well as my thought process, I think that I would stop and say “Wait, how does this help me?” I have long thought that there’s been a real disconnect between the “non-disabled” or “able-bodied” and the disabled, on many fronts. And that’s because of a lack of understanding, and the incorrect perception that we, the disabled, can’t do many things, such as, have sex.
One of the misconceptions is that we can’t. People think that we can’t, and usually that’s it. Case closed, end of story. So we are left to live our lives.
Here’s the thing, and I do this too. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t assume that people who are different than you, can’t do something, like have sex. Or that we don’t think about sex. Because believe me we do. Or is that just me?….Uhoh (lol) This stems partially from a lack of understanding, ignorance. And most people, the “able-bodied” are okay with their ignorance.
Well on behalf of all of us. Wake up! We’d like to have sex too. We’d like to be in a relationship with a man or woman who cares for us, and loves us for who we are on the outside, as well as on the inside. Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that every person with a disability isn’t in a relationship, there are many that are, and I am genuinely happy for them, and yet secretly jealous at the same time. How do they do it, I’d like to know.
Let’s get back to sex for a moment. Being disabled can encompass many things. Some may not be able to walk(like me) some might have a speech impediment and not be able to speak well. Some, again like me, aren’t able to feel their genitalia. And to some that hurts. It’s extremely frustrating not being able to feel your penis. Even worse, not being able to cum or ejaculate. Or to ejaculate and not know unless you put your hand down there and feel that you have, essentially made a little mess. That’s reassuring that your doctors were wrong in telling you that ejaculation wasn’t possible. There’s a certain validation in that.
We are people too. We are part of society. Don’t shut us out based on something that you think you might know. But are probably dead wrong.