This post has now been moved to my Patreon Page.
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This post has now been moved to my Patreon Page.
To access it and SO much more, visit www.patreon.com
My wife has recently introduced me to Ally McBeal. I never watched it when it was out but it was a staple of my wife’s family when it originally aired and it was something she wanted me to try! We have just started Season 3 – this originally aired in 1999. That doesn’t feel too long ago but actually it was almost half my lifetime away! 15 years, jeeze! Technically, if you were 3 when this was airing, I could now visit you to chat about vibrators!
The episode we watched last night was entitled ‘Buried Pleasures’ – Ling (Lucy Liu) had a dream that she had kissed a girl which for her was the most outrageous thing she had ever dreamt. She discussed this with her friend Nell (Portia Di-Rossi who at this point was firmly in the closet) and Nell didn’t think it was an issue – she ended up divulging her ‘dirtiest’ fantasy to Ling, which was to be spanked. You should have seen Ling’s reaction!!! Nell insisted she would ‘of course’ never act it out – she had “no desire to be victimised or dominated by men” and Ling could not see Nell being “so submissive”. Nell replied that in spanking circles it was the ‘bottom’ that was in control – as they are the ones that say when and stop. This was followed by the funniest line by Ling “What, is there a newsletter?!”
In true Ally McBeal style, her boyfriend (the cute John Cage played by Peter MacNicol) overheard her and was equally shocked. Without approaching this with Nell he instead discussed it with his colleague so they looked it up on their new fandangled internet and learned that around 30% of adult women fantasise about being spanked and then read that ‘the surprise factor adds to the pleasure’ – uh oh!!!
I know that for now, this website is all about the sex toy but as it grows I will be expanding into BDSM items. I do just want to say though – never spank anyone without their consent!! It made for a funny yet horrifying scene of John Cage trying to spank Nell without telling her!
The reason I decided to write about this is because I am pleasantly surprised about how things have changed in the last 15 years. One of the main subjects dealt with in Ally McBeal is the role of the female in ‘modern’ society and there is this constant self-reflection (especially by Ally) on how they are regarded and how they are somehow not complete without a male partner yet are battling to prove themselves as independent women. I get a bit tired of this, and I think the reason I do is because I have been lucky enough to live in a bubble full of strong women, which may be affected by the fact that I am gay and am surrounded by quite a few strong gay women..but the women that tend to stick as friends (straight and gay) are the independent strong ones. A lot of my jobs have had these kind of women too. So maybe my opinion on this is a bit skewed but maybe some of you would want to discuss this and give a different opinion?
It’s just that to me, this programme definitely feels like it is 15 years old. Which is good – for me I can see that society is and has moved on and the woman is more liberated than ever and it is just nice to have a reminder of it. May that long continue and I hope to play a small part in it with this business.
A lot of this episode also followed a bit of a lesbian storyline between 2 main ‘straight’ characters which made me cringe a bit so I could write a lot about this episode! I have digressed though – feminism in Ally McBeal is a PhD paper in it’s own right.
What I am trying to say is that 50 Shades of Grey is a book that brought BDSM relationships right into mainstream and enlightened a huge part of the population. My opinion on the book itself is another blog entry (summed up – good story, but I struggle with the Grey character) but it is interesting to see this subject was discussed on an Ally McBeal episode in the late 90’s and now with the 50 Shades craze, it is deemed quite coy! Can anyone else think of any mainstream programmes that had discussed spanking in the last 15 years pre-Grey? I’d love to know!
I am going to be stocking the 50 Shades of Grey merchandise/toys in the lead up to Christmas and doing 50 Shades themed soirees over February and March – it will be interesting to see how many of you want a part of Grey as part of your collection and to hear your opinions on male dominance over women.
Am off to Manchester Pride today, hope everyone has a good weekend!
This is a brief blog this week touching upon using toys in the room with your partner, and this is aimed at the women who have male partners.
Again, I do not like to generalise but from what I have heard from various women, men are not as likely to open their minds up to toys in the bedroom as much as women do. For some reason it can make them feel as though some control is being taken away from them, or that they are not good enough.
It goes without saying that communication is such an important tool in a relationship. If you are a couple that talk things out and are honest with each other, you are halfway toward having a more of an adventurous time in the boudoir. If you don’t communicate with each other as much as you would like to, this does create a bit of an obstacle. If you partner truly loves you and finds out that you are unhappy with your sex life, I am sure they would rather know rather than find out and feel embarrased about it. I do not want to get all agony aunt on you but I just want to say that an honest and open chat can help a helluva lot – even if it creates an argument (which can happen when people get defensive), that will finish fairly quickly when you both realise you still love each other and want to make each other as happy as possible.
The easiest way to introduce sex toys into the bedroom – the cock ring. This is something that both you and him can benefit from without it being invasive or having an impact on the way you do things. Sex can remain very organic when using a cock ring. He just needs to slip it on (faster than a condom) and go to it like he usually would!
There are hundreds of different ones out there that come in all colours an shapes, materials and sizes. There are some that are a straight forward ring and fit quite snugly but helps the man maintain an erection for longer, enabling the sex to go on for longer and making the chances of orgasming together more likely. There are also vibrating cock rings which is a big plus for you as a woman. Whilst he is wearing it, it will also stimulate your clit, making for a more powerful orgasm. There are also some which don’t vibrate but that have nobbly bits on them which means you will also receive more stimulation without having to use batteries! It is a very accessible toy and every (straight) couple should own one!
I have sourced 5 different cock rings for my shop cannot wait to show you them – but if you can hold on a couple more weeks, the website will be ready to go!
*update – the online shop is now open, click on the below image to head over there*
I will write another blog in the near future about bringing other toys into the room but this is a good start! Remember that I am ready and equipped to do couples consultations so if you book me in to visit you with my array of toys before October 1st, my consultation won’t cost a thing – it will be an open chat about various toys, a chance for you to have a feel of the toys and decide as a couple what you would like. If you don’t like them, there is never an obligation to buy any if you don’t want to. If you do buy any from me via the consultations before October 1st I will give you 15% off. Please do contact me!
Have a good weekend, Cardiff Pride tomorrow!
Well how the hell does a virgin to blogging write their first ever blog about their first ever business! My oh my what pressure. I have oh so much to say to you all about my business venture and could write about it for a very long time but from my reading of other blogs and also ‘how to write blogs’ blogs, I recognise that although blogs are a platform for a person to elaborate on issues and bits and bobs, there is no point in writing loads because ‘nowadays’ not many of us have the attention span long enough to read more than a page at once! This is going to be a great learning journey for myself as far as writing concisely goes…so I’d better get on with it! Oh no! I’ve already used up half a page rambling! Maybe it’s concise rambling?! Ok now it isn’t because I am still doing it!!!!
I will spend this blog telling you about my journey.
That’s the Spot is a long time coming. For a few years I’ve wanted to open up a business with a view to taking away the taboos still associated with talking about sex toys, especially for women. There is something exciting about having a chat about ‘naughty things’ and it is great to be able to provide the right environment to do this in and for women to recognise that as soon as you do open up, you learn so much about sex and masturbation!
I am aware that there may be men reading this and thinking ‘what about me?’ I myself am a woman so straight away I know more about my biology, and also because I am gay, I don’t actually know much about men!! Female pleasure is where my expertise lies (take that how you will) so I may as well play to my strengths. I am happy to chat with men when they are part of a heterosexual couple but if you are a gay man, I can point you in the direction of places where you will get the info you need.
I worked for the amazing Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in London for 6 months back in 2008 and absolutely loved it there. The only reason I didn’t work there longer is because I was trying to save for travels whilst living in London so I had to sacrifice my soul a bit to work for more money elsewhere. I wanted to open up a Cardiff version of Sh! back in 2009 when I was intending on settling down but I was in an unhealthy relationship and when that finally ended I planned to travel instead. Before travels happened, I ended up meeting the wonderful woman that is now my wife. My life has been a book of far too many chapters of different jobs, different loves and different cities and whilst it was fun, the last two big chapters that have happened over the last 2 years have been buying a house and then getting married. It was a big change in gear for me and seemed like a good start to end that book and start the sequel!
The first book was carefree, focussed on the present rather than the future, where there was never money to spare (it also includes a failed pursuit of stand up comedy fame!). The sequel for me is about growing up and actually caring about how my future pans out as in a way, I have more reason to live longer now and want to make sure I can have enough fun. I have a very intelligent, ambitious and career-focussed wife and this has rubbed off on me so as soon as we got married last October I knew that then was the time to follow my dream of becoming self employed and taking control of my career rather than going from job to job without any growth prospects enough to keep me interested. I was to merge my passion for sex toys, interacting with my favourite gender, performing and doing something alternative and open a sex toy shop!
I was lucky in January to get a part time job that paid me enough to support myself whilst looking into my business idea. I contacted Sh! to see if they were in a position to franchise, which they weren’t able to, so I set off to open up a sex toy shop aimed at women with a café bar on the ground level all on my own. Lovely idea eh?! Imagine being on Cardiff High St and walking into a café bar that makes excellent coffee and offers a variety of teas and cake, sitting down for a cuppa then heading upstairs to a space created to provide a safe space for shopping for sex toys with all the toys there ready for you to have a play with. Cardiff Council were happy to give me info with how to apply for a Sex Establishment license and advised on an alcohol license (if I were to open up on St Mary’s St it would be very difficult to get an alcohol license because it is considered a ‘saturation zone’). I could see the hoops I would have to jump through to make this idea work – the biggest problem being that if I open up a sex establishment, I have to put 21 days notice on the premises of my intentions. But then I couldn’t buy premises without knowing I could definitely get the license for what I needed. Chicken and egg! Then after a bit more probing (no pun intended!) it turns out that the council wouldn’t let me open up a café bar and a sex establishment in the same building under the same name. How weird! This put a stop to my plans – I wasn’t confident that having such a specialist shop on the High St would make enough money to keep it going without the café alongside it to support it.
This happened at the end of May and over the next couple of days I make some quick decisions on what to do next. For a whole afternoon I wondered whether it would be a good time to try for a baby but then I remembered I didn’t want one! I soon realised that I should open up a consultation business that wouldn’t require premises and would allow me to still do the same as the original idea – talk about sex toys over a cuppa or a cocktail. As soon as that decision was made, things moved along quickly. I, along with feedback from friends, thought of a shop name, I got the logo sorted, chose a website designer and started buying in stock. My main focus right now is starting to practice my soirees on various groups of friends to refine my soiree technique and organise the launch for my business for October the 1st.
In my next blog I am going to broach the subject of masturbation but for now, if I can ask you all to spread the word about my business, that would be great. If you are local to South East Wales I am happy to visit you and a group of friends anytime from now. If you book me in before October the 1st I am offering 15% off all the toys, as long as all the participants give me constructive feedback! The hostess will get a toy of her choice up to the value of £25 or 25% off a more expensive toy. This offer is only until September the 30th. I aim to write one blog a week and post it on a Friday afternoon. I welcome comments! If you have any requests for blog posts let me know